Just my 2kobo: And Lessons Were Learned

BY IPHIE MANUELZ

I learned some important lessons about surviving in Nigeria yesterday, I learned some pretty important things about the change I had been screaming about yesterday.

I got back to Nigeria recently and I had to go renew my driver's license because it had expired on my last birthday. So I go to renew my license on my second day back and without going into any story, my examiner already failed me the moment I sat down, but I also didn't have answers to his question so I had a role to play in his failing me. He asked me to come back on the 12th of February, after asking me to buy the VIO Road Sense to study and come back for an examination, which to me was fair enough, the only thing I had a problem with was the 12th February date.

I returned on the 11th of February as I had my date mixed up but he was kind enough to oblige when I asked politely if he could examine me on the 11th instead. And that was when my lessons in: Naija Survival 101 began. Yesterday I learnt that the only way to get things done in Nigeria was by flirting, kissing ass, having a phony British or American accent and by contributing to the 'ministry' called 'building for the Lord'.

I learnt these lessons yesterday in a matter of a few hours I spent in the VIO office. I was at the VIO office for less than two hours and I got my temporary driver's licence, a quest that some of the people I spoke with while I waited had been on for at least a few days. Ordinarily when things started getting difficult to get done, I would have called my Mum or Dad, who in turn called someone that works in that office to help me get what I wanted done for me easily. But this time I decided to do things on my own, I decided it was time to practice what I had been preaching, it was time to follow due process.

Due process failed me yesterday. If there is anything I learned in the year that I have been away, it is patience and respect for order, belief in first come first served. And I tried to observe these yesterday, but I quickly learned that I wasn't going to get anywhere. I quickly found out that in Nigeria, the only way to get things done was to flirt with the guys and kiss the ass of the ladies I happened to come across in my quest for a temporary driver's license. I learned that where ass kissing and flirting failed you, you switch to a phony British or American accent, it could even be a mix of both, its not like they would notice. The phony accent did the trick when ass kissing and flirting failed, it tripped a switch in d heads of these public servants, it was like they didn't want to mess with any one a foreign accent, phony or not. I also learned that before I could get my temporary driver's license printed I had to contribute to the 'Ministry', and by ministry I don't mean a government ministry, it was an appeal fund for a church building project. I am not even going to go into how many types of wrong it is for a public office to have envelopes for appeal for her church's building project out on her table and insisting that applicant contribute to her church building fund before she does the job she was been paid for anyway. I am very sure the Lord would not approve of this source of funding for his House. Did  I mention the lady that told me that the cost to laminate my temporary license was a hundred Naira but that she was going to take two Hundred Naira. I think I almost lost it then because I went 'what???' but it was the expression on my face that encouraged her reply ' I am just joking oh".

Yesterday I was lucky enough to walk out of the VIO office with my temporary license in under two hours, but I walked out with a few lessons. The most important lessons yesterday was that, Nigeria is ready for Change but Nigerians are not ready for change or to change. Until we are willing to change our ways, we should stop complaining about everything that has gone wrong with our country, we should stop cursing out our leaders. Truth be told our leaders are bad but we are no better either, we don't want Nigeria to move forward, we find ways to pull down anyone that threatens what we are used to, someone that wants things to be done differently, someone that wants to do things the right way. Until we are willing to change, we might as well shut up about Nigeria and her problems, complaining never got anyone anywhere. Getting my license yesterday shouldn't have been about luck, it should have been about a fully functional system that provided a replacement for a license that had expired after due process had been followed.

Lessons were learned yesterday: Nigeria would stay stagnant for as long as we remain opposed to change.