Just My Two Kobo: The Beauty Of "Singleness"

BY ELLA

Everything on earth is designed to function according to times and seasons. The sun, for instance, rises from the east at a certain time of the day and it must of necessity change direction and then sets ultimately in the west as it is designed to do. No matter the weather condition, the sun is never static. In the same vein, everyone is designed to also live according to the seasons of life.

Whatever your age today(twenty,twenty-nine,thirty-five,forty or older) you cannot be that age twice or forever; it can only be for now! When the now is gone, that specific time of your life is gone forever and you can never recall it.

Being single is just one of the seasons of life and unless effectively and maximally utilised,it fizzles away so fast and can never be recaptured. I have discovered interestingly that many single ladies are so consumed with wanting to move on to the next phase of life, which is being married, that they fail to realize or savour the beauty of their present phase.

Many of us ladies want to marry but for the wrong reasons without realising that such hasty decisions have consequences. (sharp sharp abuja marriage).

The African society places a huge demand on us to settle down because that is perceived as the "normal" thing to do especially when a lady is through with the basic university education or gets to a certain age. Marriage is almost regarded as the ultimate goal a lady can attain.(Smh)

Parents, especially mothers help to heap pressure on their daughters by making snide remarks about how you are not getting younger (as if you need someone to remind you about the ticking biological clock) .Trust me am still going through this same phase with my mum. I get lectures each time I get an aso-ebi for a wedding and  I know these lectures by heart now (hehehhehhee)

It is even worse for a lady who is not from a well-to-do family  and  is expected to marry quickly to help ease the burden of the family thereby making the lady the sacrificial lamb. Sad.

Sometimes seeing nearly all your friends married  and  showing off doesn't even help the situation. 90% of my friends in my age bracket for instance are married and  some have as much as 3kids already! I have a fabulous time attending weddings  and I am honestly happy for them, why wouldn't I be?

Someone reading this may be wondering if I am happy being single  and  do not want to get married. The answer to that is Yes  and  No.

Yes I am happy being single, I know a number of my married friends who miss being single, not because they are not happy being married but because they can't do certain things that I as a single lady can do! And no, I do not nurse the dream of being an old-lonely-grumpy woman!

To be single is an opportunity to be whole, outstanding and positively different. That you are single does not make you sub-standard or incomplete. No, never entertain such a feeling or thought! Let me emphatically state that marriage doesn't make a woman whole. You were already made whole by God from the beginning. 

To be single is a blessing and there is nothing weird or evil about it! It is simply a phase of life that holds undeniable benefits for those who utilise it.

The benefits of being single cuts across the three dimensions of life- spirit, soul and body. It takes effective harnessing of these three dimension to enjoy the befits of your single years in full.

The foundation for a great spiritual life is usually laid in your single years because your closeness to God at this stage forms the bedrock of your future life and security of your destiny. No other relationship can equal or replace your relationship with God. Truth is, your relationship with God will always reflect in your relationship with people.

Your single years is the best time for SELF DISCOVERY. Many people in life get lost in the shadow of others, living as carbon copies when in actual fact they were created as original. This is the best time to develop your own personality.

As a single, you have the opportunity to accomplish personal goals,pursue a variety of interest and work out personal problems. By so doing, you acquire and develop skills that might become an asset to you in future. You are able to make decisions and be responsible for them. This decisions and your willingness to take responsibility in turn makes you mature.

Here in nigeria there are single women who have carved a niche for themselves: Genevive Nnaji, Fumi Iyanda, Oyin Adenuga, Mo abudu, Daphne Dafinone etc space won't allow me go into details of what they have achieved but they are have done so well without being married. Marriage is good oh, don't get me wrong but marriage is a means to an end  απϑ  not an end in itself!

MOBILITY is another benefit of being single. This is not limited to only the physical body but also the mobility of time, money and decision. For instance, as a single you have greater freedom to respond to new job opportunities. This is because only personal consideration is required before such movement is made. Speed for making such decisions is enhanced because you spend lesser time planning and executing  your decision.

Most importantly,you are free from marital responsibilities and concerns when you are single. Many single ladies who are focused on rushing into marriage fail to realise that marriage comes with attendant responsibilities and they must first prepare for it. As a single lady, you do not have to please or pick up after someone, tolerate another's moods or anger. You do not have to deal with another person's habits that has the potential to create tension in marriage such as squeezing of the toothpaste in the middle of the tube! 

As a married woman you spend most of your time bothering about other people-husband and children- and forgetting yourself! You realise you do not have time to look after yourself as you normally would or even do the things you enjoy doing(eg. hanging out with friends and loved ones and shopping!) Ladies need I say that your single years is the only time you have to pamper yourself, feel good, enjoy life and just think of yourself! Remember, you have a short while to be a girl(single) and the rest of your life to be a woman(married) so why the rush??? 

Of course I look forward to being married. In fact I fantasize  and  dream about it. My close friends would attest to the fact that I have gone as far as planning my wedding even to the smallest detail  and  honestly I have. I simply can't wait for that day, I only pray my man will agree to all  my plans, Lol. I also dream of the kind of life I want with my husband  and  kids. Its natural, I am human. 

But in the meantime while Mr. Right is getting ready to come  and whisk me off to our "happily ever after", I intend to ENJOY being single! 

Finally friends,please do not spend your single years waiting and wishing to be married at all cost. Instead make this phase of your life count by making an impact that you will be remembered for by generations after you. Getting married isn't a problem, STAYING married  απϑ  being HAPPILY married is important. Take your time,pray, be wise  απϑ  make the right decision for YOURSELF  απϑ  not for the society, family or friends. Then you won't have cause to regret! 

God bless

Emmanuella Nwabundo Enweonwu is a lawyer, a volunteer program officer with Society for Community development (SCD), free lance writer and a makeup artist. She is passionate about what she does and very enthusiastic about the quest for a Better Nigeria.