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Thursday, August 8, 2013

Just My 2Kobo: Should She Own A Car Before Marriage?

By Iphie Obiechina

Hey guys, hope you are enjoying the long weekend courtesy of the Sallah celebrations. We wish all our Muslim readers a blessed celebration.

Today I would like to talk about something that has been bothering me, I would also like to know what your opinion is on the issue.
On Monday as I was about heading out to work, I went to say good bye to my Dad and he said something that got me thinking and seeking other people's opinion on the issue. He asked me to stop taking my Mum's car to work instead I should start driving the Corolla that my brother usually drives. Fair enough, my Mum's car was a Jeep, so I exchanged with my brother. His reason for saying this was simple, he had had a conversation with my uncle the previous day. In the course of their conversation, my uncle told him of how a friend ask him to stop giving my cousin his Honda Accord to drive if he wanted her to find a husband. My father thought it was something to be considered, I mean, no father wants his daughter to remain single, since that was what society perceived, he told me same the next day, funny thing is that my brother had said exactly the same thing the previous week.

I decided to bring it up in the office and hear what my male colleagues had to say about it. They were both of the opinion that what my uncle's friend had said was true. In their opinion it had a way of intimidating and driving away potential suitors. The guy would either start questioning how you got the car you were driving or he would start doubting his ability to maintain you. But one of them went ahead to say that for him it was not a problem, he would chase any girl he wanted, he understood that it was normal for parents to buy cars for their children these days, he wasn't going to be intimidated by cars.

Coincidentally I went to visit a male friend and my brother happened to be there, in the course of our conversation he asked if I drove down and I said yes, he jokingly asked how someone would employ me seeing as I was already driving, it would be difficult to meet my expected pay grade. I brought up the conversation with my dad and he shared the same views. He told a story of how when his sister wanted to buy herself a car, his dad asked her if she was not going to be driving away suitors by doing that. My friend went ahead to add his own opinion on the issue, seeing as we live in Abuja, he said that when he sees a young unmarried girl driving a car, two things come to his mind either her parents got it for her or she got it through means that most Abuja girls have been known to get whatever they want, sleeping with whosoever can provide it for them. According to him more often than not, his conclusion was that she slept with whosoever bought the car for her.

The three of us argued for a while and my question to them was simple, 'so because I came into the world female and I was yet to be married, I had to live out my unmarried days riding in the back of a taxi, because some guy's confidence would suffer if he sees me behind the wheels of a car, and so i would live out the rest of my life an angry, lonely old maid if i kept driving'? I really didn't get the logic behind the argument that if I am driving a car, my future husband would lack the confidence to approach me. In my opinion, it good riddance to bad rubbish, I really don't want to end up with a man that is not confident in himself, someone that can be defeated by a mere car. Imagine spending the rest of your life with some that lacks confidence in himself or his abilities, be prepared for a life time of been talked down on, all your ideas being pulled down, no encouragement from the one whose encouragement should be automatic. I am not even going to go into the myopic view that every girl that drives a car probably slept with the person that gave it to her. If you are going to jump to such nasty conclusions about people you don't know, is there really any point having you as my man, who knows what you thought of me the first time you saw me. I agree that there are some cars that are extravagant for a young adult to be driving whether male or female,  that is why I agreed with my father when he said it to me, sometimes we overdo it. But come on, me driving a simple car can't chase my potential suitors away.

What are your views on this? Do you agree with them? Do you think unmarried young ladies should live out their unmarried days at the back of taxis, even though their parents can afford any car they want, even though she has worked hard to buy a car by herself, just because a possible suitor would lack the confidence to walk up to them because they are behind the wheels of a car?

Picture From The Pink Tarah

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

This isn't an issue we should subject to discussion. Really. If a lady can get a ride with or without the assistance of her parents, let her! If she doesn't wanna drive about in her own ride because she's scared of a man's opinion, let her too. Maybe after standing on the road for hours under the scorching heat of the sun her view will change.
If any man feels less than a man just because a single lady owns her wheels, he has a long way to go. That dude's gotta suck it up and for want of words, grow some cojones. He's simply not man enough for 21st century ladies. I'm sure his grade is out there somewhere.
-Ifeyinwa.

Anonymous said...

I believe that a man should have the confidence of a leader if not am totally the wrong lady for him. I say these without mincing words. Its just typically Nigerian for myopic people to b so judgemental of others specially girls. When people wish or dream of being in your shoes they find something awful to say about you. Please how can a simple car that is meant to easy your transportation trouble be a thing that will scare men away from you. I thought Abuja men or men generally don't want a women who is an extra burden to them. So how will owning a car now chase them away when that should be one of the attractions along side her great character and excellent manners not forgetting her industrious nature. Biko how I wish I own a car and a guy sees me 5years later married by a braver man and goes I should have married you but then I didn't think I could afford you because you had a ride. I will simply laugh at his face for being such a coward. This is pure nonsense. I think most Nigerians need serious re-orientation to help them live pass most of their prejudices. May God save us all, because now I used to think I know what men want now I know am totally at lost as to what it really is. Amaka Agbo-Anike

Anonymous said...

my mum had a car more than 40 years ago before she married my father so what's the big deal in a time that its more of a necessity rather than a luxury. In this time of insecurity won't it be better to have a car? Anyway any man that is threatened by anything a lady has might be the wrong suitor for that lady. Some ladies own houses before they married should what will they do? Any man that can't love with with your stuffs should take a walk. Its well!

Anonymous said...

Ibk Adurogbangba
(my opinion) I think it is very okay for such lady to own a car, to drive it around whether it is a gift or a result of her hard work. If potential suitors are threatened by her success, tough luck to them, afterall, there are many ladies available. Why would I own a car to ease transportation and just park it cos some guy is feeling insecure?? as long as she isnt proud, she will definitely meet the man for her. Also, its guys with this mentality that cannot handle the success of their wives. They start to misbehave when she begins to earn more. I remember a post about a couple working in the same place, with the wife earning x10 of what the husband makes, the question was who should resign? It is a guy with this mentality that will jump at the idea of the wife resigning without weighting their options and the financial implications, just to make himself feel better........ Abeg babes, if you come across such a man.. one word--- RUN!!!.. Eventually getting a suitor because you chose to lower your life style for what does not matter may be fulfilling (you get to marry and pressure is off from family members) but know that you have set the rule - delaying or abandoning your success, goals, dreams to make your hubby fell better about himself.

Anonymous said...

Ayodeji Ake Oladeru
It's very ok. No real man should be intimidated by his potential partner owning a car, if he is, he will have problems when the lady gets promoted at work, makes more money, or even gets complimented by other men. Lol

Anonymous said...

Faith Dominic Wahala
I think its ok to own a car. Very ok to enjoy the fruit of your labour. I own one through hardwork and who ever has a problem with it should hug transformer. Infact, I hear with one ear that men nowadays prefer ladies that earn money so they wont be a total liability. Times are hard oo and two heads are better than one. Jorr ooooh

Anonymous said...

Comfort Alli
Be who u are. Let the man see the true u. Car or no car. If he has a problem with u having a car, then he is going to have problems with a whole lot of thing... Bottomline, if he is the one for u.. he will accept u

Anonymous said...

Morenike Junior Nwakor-Osaji
I don't see a problem with an unmarried young lady driving a car. Yes, some men might be intimidated, but trust me when I say you don't need a man who is so insecure. Because in the future, if it happens you are more successful than he is, there will be trouble. You want a confident man, a man that even with your car, is still confident in his manly-ness. You shouldn't bring yourself down just so you can get a suitor, or else you will live the rest of your life doing just that.

Unknown said...

Its very ok by me, tho u'll hear all kinds of stories like 'men will run away frm u', BIG LIE! Men that admire u and appreciate ur hardwork will always understand and stick, others with 'EGO'or complex problem will give xcuses. If she got d car frm parents, that's what i call understanding parents cos all young graduates need rides to ease their hustle...

Adesuwa said...

Before I used to buy into the walk till you marry gist, but today am happy am more enlightened. Car or no car who will come will come. Phew! So much for marriage *rme

Anonymous said...

A lady having a car is a plus and a turn on for me! (My own opinion oooo)...if it was a gift frm her parents! Fine! If she got it tru hard work! Even better. It only shows she can be a helper and not a liability, also it will save me the stress of having to teach her how to drive. Lol...just kidin!..But any man dat has a problem wit a lady having a car is SERIOUSLY suffering from inferiority complex!, and still blive in a woman being a lesser being....

NecFix said...

Men are hunters: Every man is wired to hunt/go for for any woman he wants. If he doesn't come for you because you drive about in a nice car, then he obviously can't have you. That shouldn't prevent you from driving; It's his problem, not yours. Besides, the attraction should be you, not your car, right?

Anonymous said...

ahahaha,this is just hilarious,why would anyone have such ideas about ladies with rides,pheewww,men with small minds insecurities and zero confidence..these are just the kinda men that will have such ideas,mtcheeewwwwww why are we even discussing this,its simple if u are a guy with such ideas about ladies and rides,when you see one with her ride just look the other and don't even bother cos am sure she doesn't want you tooo...#caseclosed lol

Anonymous said...

Funny this same thing happened to my sister years ago,my parents said she should return the car and master the art of taking taxis so as not to intimidate potential suitors... Now she has 3 cars of her own and is getting married later this year to a man who is not intimidated by a career woman who can pay her bills without help from any man. This old skool mentality needs to be buried...Do I get scared that because I drive a fancy car I'm reducing my chances of finding a husband? Of course I do!

Unknown said...

Wow! What a topic... Lol... But are there guys with such a mentality still? So they prefer a girl stands on the road, either under the sun or under the rain? Or do they prefer that a girl gets into a taxi and gets kidnapped? Girls please never stop driving your car simply because of those kind of myopic/intimidated guys.. A real guy knows better, and can never be intimidated by a mere car...Lmao..

Chika Okoye.

Unknown said...

Wow! What a topic... Lol.. But wait a minute, do such guys still exist? What would they rather have preferred? That a girl stands either under the sun or rain waiting for a taxi? Or the girls gets kidnapped/ robbed by a taxi drivers? What a myopic reasoning. Ladies, please never stop driving a car, infact a car is a necessity, get it if you have the right resources to do so. A real man knows better.

oludare maxwell said...

Only in Nigeria, cars mean so much to people that they forget the fact that its for transportation. Shallow mentality.

oludare maxwell said...

Only in Nigeria, cars mean so much to people that they forget the fact that its for transportation. Shallow mentality.

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